


i feel i could kill just to keep you

by nataliewrites



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-First War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4652751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nataliewrites/pseuds/nataliewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They think Sirius will not come home, but they’re wrong. No matter how long he disappears for, Sirius always comes back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i feel i could kill just to keep you

It’s been a few weeks since Sirius has come home. Their flat, so small and cramped that it takes exactly fourteen and a half steps to cross it, is starting to feel empty. But, Remus does not begrudge his absence. After all, they both lead busy lives. Sirius has a job, and they both have - well,  _had_  secret Order business to attend to.   
  
The others worry about him, he knows. Remus finds it quite ridiculous, though he doesn’t say anything out of politeness. There’s nothing wrong with missing your lover that hasn’t been home in a while. They watch him carefully at meetings, their eyes full of pity that Remus ignores. They think Sirius will not come home, but they’re wrong. No matter how long he has to disappear for, Sirius always comes home with takeout from Remus’ favourite and an apologetic grin.

  
Minevra confronts him one day, accusing him of holding onto the past. She thinks he’s clinging to a delusion. He told her she was being stupid: Sirius will be home soon; he always comes home.  
  
No one has spoken to him since, but he doesn’t mind. He’s sort of angry with them all for losing hope in Sirius so quickly. When he comes back, they will talk about it over takeout, and Sirius will either laugh it off or have a very dramatic fit, depending on how much energy he has.  
  
Remus does not think himself optimistic or hopeful, especially not to the point of stupidity. He wishes they could see that, instead of assuming that the war drove him half-mad. Sirius will be home soon. He knows it, in the way that he knows Lily and James will be coming over this weekend for lunch, baby Harry in tow. He’s quite excited for that, actually. Sirius has been hogging Harry all to himself. It’s nice to see Sirius so excited and affectionate over Harry – they all are – but he wants to spend some time with him, too.

  
  
He wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes. The flat is empty and silent, and it's getting harder to ignore the creeping loneliness. It is beginning to take hold of him, settle in his bones, weighing him down. But still, he fights it. The Order does not speak to him anymore: he has disappointed them. It’s lonely, but his pride and righteous anger prevent him from reaching out to them. No matter what they say, he knows that Sirius will come home soon, and then they’ll be sorry.  
  
There is a pile of newspapers on his table, gathering dust and tea stains. The Order members like to owl him the same one every now and then, because they are all convinced of one simple truth that Remus knows to be a lie. It disgusts him to see the newspapers; disgusts him to know that these people who managed to win a war are so _gullible._  
  
The papers are all dated October, and he picks up the newest one. Plastered across the front is a man - and really, he is impressed at how convincing this impostor is. His hair is the same length; his cheeks have the same sunken quality. The silent ink moving across the paper has even managed to capture the way Sirius’ eyes would dart around when he was angry. Everyone thinks it is Sirius, but Remus knows better. He knows Sirius better than to believe that he was the traitor, because Sirius is too earnest and loving and _good_ to be capable of that kind of deceit. His dishonesty and wickedness lies is in schoolyard pranks, not cold-blooded murder.

Sirius is not the traitor. He knows this, in the same way that he knows James and Lily will be coming over this weekend for lunch, baby Harry in tow.  
  
Sirius is not in Azkaban. He knows this, too, because Peter is not dead and Sirius is not the traitor. Sirius is not in Azkaban, and he will be home soon. He knows this, in the same way that he knows James and Lily will be coming over this weekend for lunch, baby Harry in tow.  
  
Sirius is not in Azkaban. He did not betray James and Lily. Peter is not dead. 

Sirius will come home soon, with takeout from Remus’ favourite and an apologetic grin on his face, like always.  
  
Sirius is not in Azkaban.  
  
He’s  _not._


End file.
